Overcoming Obesity - My Struggle

 Obesity Is My Struggle!

       Ever since I was a young girl, I had always struggled with my weight! In middle school, I already weighed as much as some adult womxn. I remember weighing myself, reaching nearly 170 lbs by 8th grade. During sixth grade camp, I recall being so embarrassed by my weight. I remember doing team-building activities, one of the activities was a 6-foot tall wall. There were two people on each side of the wall, and I had to step into their hands for them to lift me over. I insisted to the counselor, they cannot lift me, and she made me follow the task at hand anyways. After a couple of attempts by the team members and having all my classmates watch what was happening, I had to be pulled aside by the camp counselor because they couldn't lift me over the wall. How embarrassing! I held back from accomplishing many tasks that other kids my age were completing.

    By the end of high school, I was already 220 lbs. My whole school career, I was bullied by my weight, I was unpopular, and no guys liked me! It's tough being an outcast at such a young age because it's something you never experienced before. Many kids don't experience being the outcast until a much older age, most times not until they reach adulthood. 

   My struggle with obesity only got worse from there. I went onto college and started observing life more. I have noticed something; my only friends are other overweight people. It isn't a problem, and this is not always everyone's case, but I wonder to this day why that is? Perhaps because we have something in common.  

   When I started college, everything was okay because I learned for a couple of hours and went home. It was all unfamiliar faces to me, and it'd seemed everyone minded their business. A couple of years into college, my dad passed away, so I quit college and moved out independently. I was happy overall despite my dad's death. I ate healthy according to my standards at the time and exercised here and there, but the weight was creeping up on me ever so slowly. 

   After one year of being out on my own, I couldn't financially support myself. I became homeless. Depression & no choices followed, leading to weight gain. Let me explain; while I was homeless, I worked at McDonald's, which would end up being a lot of my snacks. For meals, I would have to go to the church and eat whatever was given to me: high calories, carbs, & fat because it keeps you full. The environment of a homeless house is very toxic, especially for an innocent, big dreams girl like myself. I was homeless for almost two years, and I was pushing nearly 300 lbs by the end of it.  

   The years after being homeless were very hard on me mentally. I had to process, forgive myself, move on and find ways to love myself again. I became numb and cold for a while, and I lost all my friends. I spent a lot of time in silence, depressions, and sadness. I considered this my first step in recovery. 

   Now, after much time in isolation, I love silence. I found passions that I am eager for again and have been working hard to accomplish my dreams; I know who I want to be. Being happy and loving myself has allowed me to lose weight! I exercise almost regularly, and more important to me, I eat a very healthy diet. I eat organic vegan, which is the best thing I have done for myself. I feel great, look great, look young, and am down to 220 lbs in just one year! My goal is around 160, so I still have a lot to do, but I am trying, and that's great! Spending so much time with myself, feeling good, and seeing myself shedding pounds has been ultimately an eye-opener for me on how I want to live my life. Nothing feels better than trying on a piece of clothing that once didn't fit. 

   I have recently gone to the doctor and discovered I might have PCOS, which causes excessive weight gain and other problems... Despite this, I have been working hard and getting my life on track. It's hard to do, but love yourself, and even when you are in a situation where you're struggling because of your weight, don't worry about it! You do what you need to do and don't worry about who's watching! Society doesn't need to tell us what beauty is, humans will always be human, and we are not perfect.